Visiting Someone with Memory Loss? Bring Children!

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Visits to memory care with children can be beneficial and enjoyable for all

It comes as no surprise to many of you that young children are often a joy to those with memory loss. I occasionally will bring one of my children with me to work. I have children ages 11, 5, and 3. They are all hits, with the 3- and 5-year-olds being especially popular.

Connection with children is familiar

Most of our memory care residents are parents and grandparents. Young kids were a part of much of their lives. Now they don’t have this connection in their lives nearly as much. Instead, they are surrounded by other, older adults and by staff who are also not children. Their love for young children is not lost, but their connection with them is at least greatly diminished if not completely gone.

Not only do many adults in memory care have an ongoing love of children, but with diminished cognition children seem to be an easy connection. Children ask different types of questions than adults.  Generally, they don’t ask questions that people with dementia struggle to answer, or at the very least there is not any shame on not knowing answers that they used to know. Children are used to not knowing everything. Children don’t ask about the person’s past in the same way. Children are much more likely to talk about the here-and-now, and what is going on around them, which those with dementia can speak to much better. This adds to everyone’s comfort.

Making visits with children easy and enjoyable

I know a daughter of one of our residents who brings along her 4-year-old grandson, the resident’s great grandson. This boy has special toys in great grandma’s room that he only gets to play with when he visits. This makes visiting a joy for him and he comes often enough that he isn’t shy when he visits. He plays with his toys which great grandma loves to watch. I know with my kids, I will often bring along some toys for them and they play in the living room while residents watch them play.

We have a resident who is a retired nurse. My 5-year-old and she are great friends. He asks all sorts of questions about her skin, “why does it move so much”, “why can he see her veins”, etc.  She eats this up. She loves to answer all his questions. Teaching biology and aging to a young boy is right up her alley.

Surprising and memorable connections

This resident and others have surprised me at how well they remember these visits with children. Many residents have no idea what my name is, what they had for lunch, or maybe even what day of the week it is, but they remember my children. It amazes me. For weeks after a visit, residents will ask me about my kids: “How are they doing?”, “When will they be back?”

I have also been surprised at residents who I would have guessed not to have a strong affinity for children, when they show an interest and love for them. One resident who never had children isn’t especially joyful, though he is pleasant, when they visit. He isn’t a touchy-feely kind of guy, but he has shown a lot of joy and interest in my son. He even gave my son a hug and, with a smile on his face, told him what a nice young man he is.

Visiting memory care with children benefits everyone

Sometimes bringing my kids can be a big headache for me. It can be a long day for them visiting while I work. Even then the headache for me is worth it. Our residents largely have so much patience for the young ones. They get a kick out of my kids climbing on me and causing me aggravation. But for visitors it does not have to be an all day visit. In fact, probably best it is not for your own sake. Bringing your young loved ones for visits can be short, maybe 30 minutes. Teach them to hug before they leave. Teach them to greet the other residents. Having some toys along will not only be fun for the residents to watch but will also make the visit enjoyable for young children. Visiting will not be a chore, it will be a joy.

It is not only good for the residents but it is good for the kids as well. They learn about the elderly. They learn not to be afraid. They experience and learn compassion and love. Many people who work with seniors are people who had a connection with seniors as children. It’s not a coincidence. 

Reverend Arlen Solem

Chaplain and Campus Pastor

For questions about our spiritual care program, or if you would like spiritual care and support for you or your loved one, contact Chaplain Arlen Solem at 612-554-6379 or apsolem@augustanacare.org.

At Emerald Crest, we offer a deep knowledge of memory care in a specialized assisted living setting for seniors with Alzheimer’s and dementia-related conditions. We encourage you to contact us directly with any questions or request a tour. 

Emerald Crest provides memory care in a unique environment, specifically designed to support those with cognitive issues. Utilizing this exceptional model of care, individuals with dementia, Alzheimer’s and related conditions can flourish in positive relationships and participation in meaningful activities. Memory care is offered in the Minneapolis – Saint Paul area with communities in four convenient locations: Shakopee, Burnsville, Minnetonka and Victoria, MN.